Thursday, December 30, 2010
Well the end of this year is rapidly approaching, and I can't believe how quickly the year passed. I was talking today with my dear friend Mackenzie, about the year and what all has transpired. If I could sum the year up in one word, I would have to say different. This year has been full of different and unexpected things, and if you would have asked me a year go if this is what my life would look like I never would have guessed it. While this year has been different relationally, spiritually, and emotionally there has absolutely been so much purpose in it as well. If i can sum up in one word what the Lord has meant to me this year, is absolutely constant. When so much of my word felt flipped and change was around every corner, He was unwavering in showing me His goodness and love. The changes that have transpired have been both good and hard. And while I know that changes in life are inevitable and that with out a doubt this next year will be riddle with change as well. This year has proven that this Lord is good and faithful above and beyond, and so I walk into this next year hopeful and excited for what this New Year holds. I pray that as you reflect on this year and anticipate the year to come, you take time to process, and I pray that the Lord continues to bless you with rich relationships, and more of who he is and his goodness.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
So I know that on today, of all days, I just add to the list of people with really trendy blogs about thankfulness and the like. But I beg to differ, because we should live our lives in a way that daily allows us to look back with appreciation for the many, rich blessings the Lord has bestowed on us, and so that's what I aim to do today list a few of the people that I am thankful for. As I think the obvious comes to mind. The picture at left is a excellent example... my family is one of the riches blessings I will ever get to experience on this earth. My dad, is a God-fearing, unwavering leader of my family. Who daily models for us and those who come in contact with him the love of our Savior. He is my father and friend, and I could not ask for a better person to fill those roles. My mother, is a prayer warrior to the nth degree, she fights for me when I don't have the ability to fight for myself. She is compassionate, warm, and welcoming to all that she knows. My brother, what man of God he is, who daily inspires me to love and trust my savior more, just by watching him model it for me. So while my family would be more than enough to spend a life full of thankfulness there is more that I am thankful for today! Under the picture of my family is three of my very best friends, each of who hold irreplaceable places in my life. The one at top is Dani, a dear, sweet friend who has blessed my life since I was a junior in high school. Her friendship, has been a life changing! She is a friend who even this fall picked up from Texas to come be by my side in a moment when I needed her most! To say I am thankful for her doesn't even do it justice. In the picture below is my two sweet friends Mackenzie and Nattiel, with me at my senior thesis. They are great friends not only because of the amount of dance concerts they attended... but because of the way their friendship has been inspiring and nurturing to my heart. Mackenzie was an instant friend from the moment I meet her my freshman year. Since then we have walked side by side experiencing the sweetest community. She is a constant driving force and one of the richest blessings of friendship I will ever experience. Nattiel, is one of the most compassionate women I have ever meet. She bears the burden of her friends and family, just because of her love for them. She is a intent listener and genuinely offers advice. The last picture I tried to load wouldn't load but it was a picture of Stephanie Lee, Aubrey Agnor, Michelle Sipes, and Jennifer Blessing, four women who still to this day form a sweet community, full of rich laughter, joy, a shared love for the gift of dance and worshiping our savior. These women time and time again though miles apart, different stages of life, and time separate us I know that they are friends who have forever blessed my life. So while I know it is easy to be thankful on a day like today! I know that these people I listed are people I thank the Lord daily, who time and time again come alongside me and love me beyond what I could ask for or need. I am thankful, grateful, and blessed.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I rarely go into a post with little to no direction as to where it will go... but that's where i find myself tonight so here I go, world you have my thoughts. Its kinda scary, huh?? The nature of what I do gives me quite the time to think through out the days and I am thankful for that right now. Thankful that I am allowed time to process, breath deeply, and rest in the fact that I am in the hands of a God that loves me and desires the best, at any cost. I have to admit that just because this last season I walked through has been difficult, I think that, that somehow qualities me to know what "at any cost" really means. I don't, and while it has been a challenging season, one which I have learned so much, I still live a rich life, full of people who love me well, I have a job, a roof over my head, and the ability to laugh deeply and often. I serve a God who is gracious and tender. I am blessed! And that is what overwhelms my thoughts and my heart tonight, not life changing, not profoundly deep, but its my thoughts.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
If any of you know me very well, you know that since I had any freedom over my own schedule I have been going non-stop. Almost as if I assumed my life would fall apart if I let myself stop. And now, when more than any other season I long to be filled with days that take me from dance, to class, lunches with friends, to rehearsal, to this activity or that, instead I find myself STILL. Knowing that each day for a while, I wake up to face stillness. But, I have to trust that in this season more than any other, stillness is exactly what I need, what I want no, but it is what I need. I need to sit in this beautiful season of change and be there, not wishing I was rushing off to this, or that. I need to be here in the moment, not hoping or trying to get to what is around the corner, but really being exactly where I am. And where I find myself tonight is being still and quiet before the Lord. Taking in the depth of the realization, that I am Not, but I Know I AM. And that my friends, is a beautiful place to be. I need this, this moment, this breath, this day, this stillness, because it has a purpose and I don't want to look back on my life wishing I hadn't rushed through it, trying to get to the next best thing because I was afraid of being still.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
I keep thinking that this season was brought because this is what i asked for... because sometimes when your a believer it is almost trendy to ask to be the Lord's only. SO that's what I did without fully realizing all that it would encompass. I spoke without ever looking back and now I am here. With those words almost echoing in my ears, " It trust you with this...., I trust you with that....., Do what you want with this...." But as I am finding I am actually getting what I asked for. When actually what I asked for sometimes seems like a punishment in some respects, I know it's the furthest thing from that. That getting to that place of totally surrender and trust is the best thing and worth the deepest heartbreak and hardest struggle. But I look in great anticipation of what this season will bring. While sometimes everything with in me would rather avoid this than deal with it head on I trust that this season is good to. SO I am saying it again... I trust you with this season, that at times it is unbearably painful but I know that you alone have a purpose and plan beyond the pain and confusion.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
I think there are few things scarier in life than the risk of being vulnerable enough to let someone "know" you. I am not talking about surface level know you, but really know the heart of who, the parts of you that few people ever do know. To be known in that way can reap great rewards, but when people who know you that well walk out of you life it can leave you feeling vulnerable and raw. There are a handful of people in my life that know my in's and out's, and I theirs. Who have looked at the depth of who I am and said, yes I know your flawed and I know you aren't perfect but your worth the risk, and I love you. That is where the greatest love and the greatest risk comes from. Because when your fully known and loved for exactly who you are, in whatever moment or season you are in there is almost no greater joy. I am finding that this is so much of what I am created for, while I know there other things mixed in with that, the Lord is revealing that his heart in being known, is also my heart. As I have walked through various seasons of self image and self confidence issues, the idea of being loved for exactly who I am, brings tears to my eyes. To not have this feeling of needing to be anyone or anything else. But above all else to feel like who I am, however I am, is enough. Through out the years that group of people I was talking about before has changed, some have gone, some have stayed, and as people have left I always find myself in a reflective place of looking back and wondering what caused them to not hold that place in my life anymore. For some I feel it was because time apart got to be to great to continue to make the risk, some because naturally as one grows and matures people grow apart, and some because they looked at the depth of who I was and said, I am not sure your someone I can love or do love. And that is why I call this the greatest risk because when you risk all to know and be known, to love and be loved you take a chance that people will know you for the depths of who you are, and say no thank you. But I am learning that, that is what Christ did for us, he risked everything came here as a human spent his life knowing people and letting them know him only to be crucified and rejected over and over again, and he is still is taking that risk today. So if I just claimed that much of the Lord's heart and desiring to know and be known, love and be loved, is also my own, and that he risked everything just so one person would know him and love him, then I think its worth the risk. It worth the rejection, tears, and heart break to find the people in your life who do truly know the depth of you and continue to love you through the seasons of life. SO Jesus thank you for risking all to know us and so we could know you, for allowing us to model that through friendships and relationships you place in our lives.