I recently started nannying for a family with two precious daughters, Ava( who is pictured at right) and sweet Addison. Ava is two years old and has recently had her world rocked by the new addition of Addison, her two month old sister. While Ava posses such a sweet disposition naturally, adding a new little one to any family is sometimes a hard transition. I learned very quickly the difference, according to Ava, between her things and Addi's, a line which shouldn't be crossed if you ask her. I was talking through the day with their mother today, and sharing with her my observations of Ava's lack of wanting to share with her sister. She started telling me how her sister studied early childhood development and told her, that children don't even begin to understand the concept of sharing fully until they are six. SO while that doesn't exempt us from starting to instill those virtues in her earlier, it does help to understand why her two year old self can't quite comprehend it. But that idea started me thinking how much am I
like that in my own life. The concept of sharing the things the Lord places in my life seems so foreign at times. Why should I think I have to share with him things that I have been given. But that just it, they aren't mine in the first place, my heart, my dancing, my relationships, my friendship, my life and everything in it is the Lord's. And if he is the author and perfecter of all of life then why wouldn't I want to share these things with HIM. Probably because I was fearful that it would land me here, but regardless of how tightly i tried to hold he still shook it loose. And even as tender and vulnerable of a place a find myself it is far better to be in His hands, than my own. Because I am guessing he has a little bit better grip on reality than I do and than Ava does. So as I have these moments of trying to teach this sweet girl how to share her things, I bet the the Lord is laughing thinking, I am trying to teach you the exact same things. So silly it was for me for to think I was above letting go, and how thankful I am that I serve a God who has enough patience.
So the Lord has been so funny with His imagery lately. I think its partially because I have a creative mind that these images resonate so clearly but regardless they do, and to day it was a stain glass window. In case you couldn't gather I have been walking through a season of brokenness and change lately. If I am being frank, almost everything I thought my life would be has been flipped and stripped and I am getting to the heart of who the Lord wants me to be. The beauty of the image you see here is that it is the epitome of broken things, and on a day like today that brings me so much hope. The idea that there is beautiful things that come from so much brokenness is music to my ears today. And the fact that you don't get masterpieces like that from just breaking one piece of glass. It takes many pieces repeatedly being broken that allows for the masters work to be accomplished. So who am I to say that I am exempt from that. And as hard as it is to say, who am I to say that I don't actually need it. There is so much beauty in brokenness that brings healing, grace and peace. There is nothing quite like being face down at the father's feet and broken. So that's where i find myself today, face down in need of my savior and in need of brokenness that will create a masterpiece of brokenness, a stained glass window.
So who knew that the Lord could bring so much wisdom from a candy. As I was thinking over the last few months of my life and processing the things that have transpired, I was hit with the image of a Sour Patch Kid. You might think I am crazy, but stay with me here....In their truest form a sour patch kid is a candy that well, at "first their sour then its sweet". Then it hit me, so is this season I find myself in, at times things on the surface seem sour, pucker lips, eat to much your stomach hurts sour, why God am I walking through this sour. But I realized that isn't all this season is, it isn't just sour, there is sweetness lying among the times when my heart is broken and I find my self asking the proverbially "WHY?" and "WHAT DO I DO FROM HERE?" But the God I serve is one that brings clarity among hardships, and even on the hardest of days gives a peace that surpasses all understanding, and sweetness in even the sourest of circumstances. SO I am vowing to live my life in search of the sweetness. Knowing that sour things, events, and circumstances are bound to happen, but we can't stay there in the sour we must continue to search for the sweet. And trust me sometimes you really have to search, but it always comes, and its always just the right amount of sweetness.