2010

Well the end of this year is rapidly approaching, and I can't believe how quickly the year passed. I was talking today with my dear friend Mackenzie, about the year and what all has transpired. If I could sum the year up in one word, I would have to say different. This year has been full of different and unexpected things, and if you would have asked me a year go if this is what my life would look like I never would have guessed it. While this year has been different relationally, spiritually, and emotionally there has absolutely been so much purpose in it as well. If i can sum up in one word what the Lord has meant to me this year, is absolutely constant. When so much of my word felt flipped and change was around every corner, He was unwavering in showing me His goodness and love. The changes that have transpired have been both good and hard. And while I know that changes in life are inevitable and that with out a doubt this next year will be riddle with change as well. This year has proven that this Lord is good and faithful above and beyond, and so I walk into this next year hopeful and excited for what this New Year holds. I pray that as you reflect on this year and anticipate the year to come, you take time to process, and I pray that the Lord continues to bless you with rich relationships, and more of who he is and his goodness.

open hands

I recently experienced something that made this image to my right very real for me. I thought that the Lord had done such a work in my life, that I felt like I had freely given Him so much of my life that there was little I still held very tightly to, boy was I wrong! How evident that became when he asked me for more. At first I fought the idea of giving HIM more, not like it wasn't his to begin with, but still in my finite mind I fought it. But I realized I am not entitled to anything, I have been given these things as a gift and in that remains every right for him to ask for more. So as he gently pryed back my fingers I got to say yet again, "I trust you with this, even if you take it away". And that I guess is the sweetest part of letting go of things you love is that He will do immeasurable more with my dreams, hopes, and desires than I could! I was talking with my best friend the other day about how the stage of life we find ourselves in, is going to continue to call us to trust the Lord with more. But not only will we have to trust Him with more, but also bigger things as well. And while that seems daunting some days, what I relief that ultimately someone who is so trustworthy is holding it all. So all I really know is that I want my everyday life to identify with this picture open handed, ready and willing to freely give and take whatever the Lord may ask of me. And what a sweet joy when He calls us to trust him with more and more!

Grateful

So I know that on today, of all days, I just add to the list of people with really trendy blogs about thankfulness and the like. But I beg to differ, because we should live our lives in a way that daily allows us to look back with appreciation for the many, rich blessings the Lord has bestowed on us, and so that's what I aim to do today list a few of the people that I am thankful for. As I think the obvious comes to mind. The picture at left is a excellent example... my family is one of the riches blessings I will ever get to experience on this earth. My dad, is a God-fearing, unwavering leader of my family. Who daily models for us and those who come in contact with him the love of our Savior. He is my father and friend, and I could not ask for a better person to fill those roles. My mother, is a prayer warrior to the nth degree, she fights for me when I don't have the ability to fight for myself. She is compassionate, warm, and welcoming to all that she knows. My brother, what man of God he is, who daily inspires me to love and trust my savior more, just by watching him model it for me. So while my family would be more than enough to spend a life full of thankfulness there is more that I am thankful for today! Under the picture of my family is three of my very best friends, each of who hold irreplaceable places in my life. The one at top is Dani, a dear, sweet friend who has blessed my life since I was a junior in high school. Her friendship, has been a life changing! She is a friend who even this fall picked up from Texas to come be by my side in a moment when I needed her most! To say I am thankful for her doesn't even do it justice. In the picture below is my two sweet friends Mackenzie and Nattiel, with me at my senior thesis. They are great friends not only because of the amount of dance concerts they attended... but because of the way their friendship has been inspiring and nurturing to my heart. Mackenzie was an instant friend from the moment I meet her my freshman year. Since then we have walked side by side experiencing the sweetest community. She is a constant driving force and one of the richest blessings of friendship I will ever experience. Nattiel, is one of the most compassionate women I have ever meet. She bears the burden of her friends and family, just because of her love for them. She is a intent listener and genuinely offers advice. The last picture I tried to load wouldn't load but it was a picture of Stephanie Lee, Aubrey Agnor, Michelle Sipes, and Jennifer Blessing, four women who still to this day form a sweet community, full of rich laughter, joy, a shared love for the gift of dance and worshiping our savior. These women time and time again though miles apart, different stages of life, and time separate us I know that they are friends who have  forever blessed my life. So while I know it is easy to be thankful on a day like today! I know that these people I listed are people I thank the Lord daily, who time and time again come alongside me and love me beyond what I could ask for or need. I am thankful, grateful, and blessed.

My Thoughts...

I rarely go into a post with little to no direction as to where it will go... but that's where i find myself tonight so here I go, world you have my thoughts. Its kinda scary, huh?? The nature of what I do gives me quite the time to think through out the days and I am thankful for that right now. Thankful that I am allowed time to process, breath deeply, and rest in the fact that I am in the hands of a God that loves me and desires the best, at any cost. I have to admit that just because this last season I walked through has been difficult, I think that, that somehow qualities me to know what "at any cost" really means. I don't, and while it has been a challenging season, one which I have learned so much, I still live a rich life, full of people who love me well, I have a job, a roof over my head, and the ability to laugh deeply and often. I serve a God who is gracious and tender. I am blessed! And that is what overwhelms my thoughts and my heart tonight, not life changing, not profoundly deep, but its my thoughts.

Community

I got to go home last weekend, and since it is my favorite season, fall, and the weather was perfect, my family and I went hiking. What I love about hiking, outside of the views it provides, is the sweet time I get to process my thoughts in the beauty of creation. The picture you see at left is one I got to take on that hike, once I looked back over the picture something hit me. The difference in the trees and their process of losing their leaves. You might be think, obviously Blair, trees loose their leaves at different times, it's not the revolutionary of an idea. But something hit me for the first time unlike ever before. As we walk through different seasons in this life, so do other people, again not that revolutionary of an idea, but as we do, so do these trees. AS some are still in full bloom, leaves golden and beautifully painting the mountain scape, to others with just a few leaves still holding on, and lastly the ones that are barren standing almost void of any life. That started me thinking, what a sweet picture of the community we get to experience. Because the Lord places people in you life who aren't always at the exact same place as you, and what a blessing for that. Because when I am at my barest, I know that I have people in my life full of joy, hope, and perspective, and vice versa. And that is the beauty of community, the Lord places people to walk through life alongside and share in this journey. As I walk alongside them in their seasons that look so different than mine, I know that they do the same. We stand together, connected in the deepest way, at our roots because of our love of Christ. WE are not alone, nor do we have to pretend to be. Our community is a gift, and though it changes as we walk through life, there is always someone there to share life with different perspective, to share in our joy and suffering. What a BLESSING!!!!

Be Still and Know that I am

If any of you know me very well, you know that since I had any freedom over my own schedule I have been going non-stop. Almost as if I assumed my life would fall apart if I let myself stop. And now, when more than any other season I long to be filled with days that take me from dance, to class, lunches with friends, to rehearsal, to this activity or that, instead I find myself STILL. Knowing that each day for a while, I wake up to face stillness. But, I have to trust that in this season more than any other, stillness is exactly what I need, what I want no, but it is what I need. I need to sit in this beautiful season of change and be there, not wishing I was rushing off to this, or that. I need to be here in the moment, not hoping or trying to get to what is around the corner, but really being exactly where I am. And where I find myself tonight is being still and quiet before the Lord. Taking in the depth of the realization, that I am Not, but I Know I AM. And that my friends, is a beautiful place to be. I need this, this moment, this breath, this day, this stillness, because it has a purpose and I don't want to look back on my life wishing I hadn't rushed through it, trying to get to the next best thing because I was afraid of being still.

What I asked for.....

I keep thinking that this season was brought because this is what i asked for... because sometimes when your a believer it is almost trendy to ask to be the Lord's only. SO that's what I did without fully realizing all that it would encompass.  I spoke without ever looking back and now I am here. With those words almost echoing in my ears, " It trust you with this...., I trust you with that....., Do what you want with this...." But as I am finding I am actually getting what I asked for. When actually what I asked for sometimes seems like a punishment in some respects, I know it's the furthest thing from that. That getting to that place of totally surrender and trust is the best thing and worth the deepest heartbreak and hardest struggle. But I look in great anticipation of what this season will bring. While sometimes everything with in me would rather avoid this than deal with it head on I trust that this season is good to. SO I am saying it again... I trust you with this season, that at times it is unbearably painful but I know that you alone have a purpose and plan beyond the pain and confusion.

The Greatest Risk

I think there are few things scarier in life than the risk of being vulnerable enough to let someone "know" you. I am not talking about surface level know you, but really know the heart of who, the parts of you that few people ever do know. To be known in that way can reap great rewards, but when people who know you that well walk out of you life it can leave you feeling vulnerable and raw. There are a handful of people in my life that know my in's and out's, and I theirs. Who have looked at the depth of who I am and said, yes I know your flawed and I know you aren't perfect but your worth the risk, and I love you. That is where the greatest love and the greatest risk comes from. Because when your fully known and loved for exactly who you are, in whatever moment or season you are in there is almost no greater joy. I am finding that this is so much of what I am created for, while I know there other things mixed in with that, the Lord is revealing that his heart in being known, is also my heart. As I have walked through various seasons of self image and self confidence issues, the idea of being loved for exactly who I am, brings tears to my eyes. To not have this feeling of needing to be anyone or anything else. But above all else to feel like who I am, however I am, is enough. Through out the years that group of people I was talking about before has changed, some have gone, some have stayed, and as people have left I always find myself in a reflective place of looking back and wondering what caused them to not hold that place in my life anymore. For some I feel it was because time apart got to be to great to continue to make the risk, some because naturally as one grows and matures people grow apart, and some because they looked at the depth of who I was and said, I am not sure your someone I can love or do love. And that is why I call this the greatest risk because when you risk all to know and be known, to love and be loved you take a chance that people will know you for the depths of who you are, and say no thank you. But I am learning that, that is what Christ did for us, he risked everything came here as a human spent his life knowing people and letting them know him only to be crucified  and rejected over and over again, and he is still is taking that risk today. So if I just claimed that much of the Lord's heart and desiring to know and be known, love and be loved, is also my own, and that he risked everything just so one person would know him and love him, then I think its worth the risk. It worth the rejection, tears, and heart break to find the people in your life who do truly know the depth of you and continue to love you through the seasons of life. SO Jesus thank you for risking all to know us and so we could know you, for allowing us to model that through friendships and relationships you place in our lives. 

Wisdom from Sweet AVA!

 I recently started nannying for a family with two precious daughters, Ava( who is pictured at right) and sweet Addison. Ava is two years old and has recently had her world rocked by the new addition of Addison, her two month old sister. While Ava posses such a sweet disposition naturally, adding a new little one to any family is sometimes a hard transition. I learned very quickly the difference, according to Ava, between her things and Addi's, a line which shouldn't be crossed if you ask her. I was talking through the day with their mother today, and sharing with her my observations of Ava's lack of wanting to share with her sister. She started telling me how her sister studied early childhood development and told her, that children don't even begin to understand the concept of sharing fully until they are six. SO while that doesn't exempt us from starting to instill those virtues in her earlier, it does help to understand why her two year old self can't quite comprehend it. But that idea started me thinking how much am I

like that in my own life. The concept of sharing the things the Lord places in my life seems so foreign at times. Why should I think I have to share with him things that I have been given. But that just it, they aren't mine in the first place, my heart, my dancing, my relationships, my friendship, my life and everything in it is the Lord's. And if he is the author and perfecter of all of life then why wouldn't I want to share these things with HIM. Probably because I was fearful that it would land me here, but regardless of how tightly i tried to hold he still shook it loose. And even as tender and vulnerable of a place a find myself it is far better to be in His hands, than my own. Because I am guessing he has a little bit better grip on reality than I do and than Ava does. So as I have these moments of trying to teach this sweet girl how to share her things, I bet the the Lord is laughing thinking, I am trying to teach you the exact same things. So silly it was for me for to think I was above letting go, and how thankful I am that I serve a God who has enough patience.

Stained Glass Windows

So the Lord has been so funny with His imagery lately. I think its partially because I have a creative mind that these images resonate so clearly but regardless they do, and to day it was a stain glass window. In case you couldn't gather I have been walking through a season of brokenness and change lately. If I am being frank, almost everything I thought my life would be has been flipped and stripped and I am getting to the heart of who the Lord wants me to be.  The beauty of the image you see here is that it is the epitome of broken things, and on a day like today that brings me so much hope. The idea that there is beautiful things that come from so much brokenness is music to my ears today. And the fact that you don't get masterpieces like that from just breaking one piece of glass. It takes many pieces repeatedly being broken that allows for the masters work to be accomplished. So who am I to say that I am exempt from that. And as hard as it is to say, who am I to say that I don't actually need it. There is so much beauty in brokenness that brings healing, grace and peace. There is nothing quite like being face down at the father's feet and broken. So that's where i find myself today, face down in need of my savior and in need of brokenness that will create a masterpiece of brokenness, a stained glass window.

Sour Patch Kids

So who knew that the Lord could bring so much wisdom from a candy. As I was thinking over the last few months of my life and processing the things that have transpired, I was hit with the image of a Sour Patch Kid. You might think I am crazy, but stay with me here....In their truest form a sour patch kid is a candy that well, at "first their sour then its sweet". Then it hit me, so is this season I find myself in, at times things on the surface seem sour, pucker lips, eat to much your stomach hurts sour, why God am I walking through this sour. But I realized that isn't all this season is, it isn't just sour, there is sweetness lying among the times when my heart is broken and I find my self asking the proverbially "WHY?" and "WHAT DO I DO FROM HERE?" But the God I serve is one that brings clarity among hardships, and even on the hardest of days gives a peace that surpasses all understanding, and sweetness in even the sourest of circumstances. SO I am vowing to live my life in search of the sweetness. Knowing that sour things, events, and circumstances are bound to happen, but we can't stay there in the sour we must continue to search for the sweet. And trust me sometimes you really have to search, but it always comes, and its always just the right amount of sweetness.